Tina Fey Scar Detective

You both hate Paris Hilton.

That's right, Ms. Tina Fey and her scar hate Ms. Paris Hilton. No word on Tina's reaction to the recent Britney Spears/Paris Hilton fishnet stocking exchange program, I bet Fey hates that, too.

Here are a few of Tina's choice comments about Hilton:

*Tina caught Paris's giant man hands and said they were as long as her forearm. [...]

*Paris actually takes herself seriously and "embraces her stupidity".

*She asked them to write a skit so she could play Jessica Simpson "because I hate her" "she's fat".

Enjoy more of Tina's hatred for Ms. Hilton at the Splendora Blog.

Oh, by the way, I carefully chose that last excerpt so I could use the names of Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and Tina Fey in the same post. Feels so good!

DeansPlanet has something about which you have only dreamed in the past. A naked picture of Ms. Tina Fey. Yep. More naked than Maxim, more nude than any nip-slip spectacular that may someday grace crappy websites the world over, pure unadulterated nudity.

Okay, not really. It's actually incredibly adulterated nudity. It's not even real nudity because of some well-placed blue smudgy thing.

It's part of a 3 pic phony Playboy shoot featuring the girls of Saturday Night Live.

Even with Tina's bad hair in the pic, I still liked it.

I hate to admit it, but I sort got excited at the Maya Rudolph one.

Enjoy, courtesy of the folks at DeansPlanet.

If you like Tina Fey, you probably like TV. That's a no-brainer.

However, you probably don't know nearly as much about TV as does the TV Ninja. Actually, I don't know if there really is a TV Ninja, per se. I do, however, know that there is website called TvNinja.com and it delivers a serious kick by imparting hardcore television knowledge.

If you were are regular TV Ninja reader, you would already know that...

TiVO is bumping up subscription fees...
The rumor about the MPAA wanting to regulate home theaters is bogus...
YouTube and DailyMotion are putting a dent in traditional TV viewing in the UK...
UberCoolHome is peddling an 80" glass high definition television...

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One occasionally-offered explanation of the scar is that Tina received it as a young adult while living in Los Angeles.

The story goes that Tina was dating a guy in an up and coming Los Angeles rock band and that (depending upon who you ask) the scar came about as the result of an accident or altercation.

Although an interesting theory, and one you can find bandied about with the usual "I know a guy who knew Tina when..." urban legend lead-in, there is no evidence to suggest that the Tina Fey scar happened in the City of Angels.

The one comment we have from Tina, in fact, belies this completely. She refers to it as a childhood incident. Unless Tina Fey is lying to us, there is no way the scar came about while she partied with would be rock stars in Tinseltown.

The explanation is a non-starter.

Last week, NBC offered an extended episode of 30 Rock, the new (and awesome) Tina Fey vehicle. Instead of the usual half-hour offering, we were treated to forty minutes of laughs.

That might not seem like a big deal, but those who watched the show undoubtedly noticed the difference. Amazing how much more fun you can pack into a few extra minutes, isn't it?

My favorite part? Tina's lecture to Jack about how to pull off his live performance. There was a certain irony in hearing Ms. Fey give a hardnosed speech like that to Baldwin. After all, Alec is still revered by many for his portrayal of the ultimate hardnosed lecturer in the now-classic Glengarry Glen Ross. All Tina lacked was that little pair of brass balls and a watch that's "worth more than your car!"

Anyway, kudos to NBC for giving me the supersized edition of 30 Rock. Well done, peacock.

If you're like me, you dread the holidays because you'll be having guests over. That, of course, requires cleaning. That great job of scouring everything back in the spring is ancient history by November and things can start to seem like more than one person can handle. It's definitely more than one person wants to handle.

So, what do you do? Just leave things looking nasty? Of course not. You call in the big guns.

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If you need a Janitor Service in Ventura, give the folks at Kelly a call. They can be reached at 805-644-5308.

Phil at Cracked My Head Open recently engaged in that ever-popular blogospheric tradition of making a list of celebrities for whom you lust. His top ten, not surprisingly (in my estimation) included the beautiful and talented Ms. Tina Fey.

Before you give Phil a big round of applause, however, please note that his list also includes Megan Mullaly and Rachael Ray (twice). His judgment re: the scarred one, however, is above any and all reproach.

If you want to know what's on Phil's occasionally dirty mind, you can read his list of attractive celebrities here.

I know... This does not get us closer to solving the scar mystery, but it is Tina-related and I reserve the right to blather about all TF-related news, notes, mentions and do-able celeb lists.

This is the official statement from Tina Fey about her scar. It's been mentioned and quoted a few times before, but I thought it deserved it's own post, because people always want to know what Tina has to say about the scar.

November 25, 2001. New York Times. Tina Fey stated:

"It's a childhood injury that was kind of grim,' she said. 'And it kind of bums my parents out for me to talk about it."

That's the official line. It gives us little to go with except that it happened while she was a child.

That fact, alone, rules out some theories, but does little to help us solve the riddle of the Tina Fey Scar.

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You gotta check out MagsDirect.com is you are looking for something other than the Scar Detective to read!

But peace that they lack.

I was reading through the headlines at Google News. Google. I have a love-hate relationship with them. Anyway, I found some text about the crazy gal in Singapore, Wee Shu Min, who has some kind of big bad elitist streak running down her privileged back and then caught some opinion on the departure of Donald Rumsfeld.

Those two, although seeming quite different, are just about like Studivz and Photosynth, if you get my drift. They are two peas in a pod. Both the rightists in the US and Wee Shu Min's of the world have a nasty propensity toward elitism. The only difference is that we beat up on kids like wee Ms. Wee and promote guys like The Rummy to the top.

I digress.

I got bored with the news and needed a pick-me-up. I decided some VIDEO would supply perkiness. Ran on over to YouTube and caught a few Borat clips. Borat. Interesting cat. That rhymed. I also got to look at that Faith Hill stuff. She spazzed at a hillbilly music award show, but there are conflicting versions of the story. She was faking. She wasn't faking. Who knows? Who cares? It's not like she's Wee Shu Min or anything. Besides, the only one of those steel-guitar picking fillies I get a a hankerin' for is that Ms. Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks.

Oh, and rest assured my South was rising long before she decided to become the Bush-critiquing darling of the left. Something about her...

Anyway...

I wonder if this blog would qualify at ReviewMe. I have my doubts anyone wants to shell out a few hundred bones for me to review their all-about Zune site, but it's possible. I would do a Super Xiaxue Happy DANCE if that were to happen.

Maybe ReviewMe could get me to do a review of Ted Haggard's taste streetwalkin' men. Not that I know anything about that, mind you. I like Natalie Maines and maybe (okay, I will admit it now) Faith Hill a little bit, but not dudes. I would even hook up with Wee Shu Min before sacking up with either Borat or Rumsfeld.

Well, have a great weekend.

May you have days full of Xiaxue goodies, Studivz and Photosynth. Avoid Zune. I saw a video on YouTube about it and the text of the comments made it sound less fun than a slow dance with Ted Haggard.

Later!

Did you know that about 100 people Google up "tina fey scar" or some variation thereof every single day. That translates into thousands of people, most likely, who have an interest in the abrasion.

Yet no one knows the answer.

It is TOP SECRET material.

It's baffling. We live in a world where CIA operatives get their names leaked to the media and everyone just lets it blow by... We live in a world where if you just once happen to mention that your secretary is attractive in a whisper, ten people will line up to testify against you in a sexual harassment suit.

Well, that's what they TELL me, anyway...

Yet everyone wants to know about Tina Fey's scar and she (and her family, friends and whatever doctor undoubtedly saw the wound at some point) have been able to keep it under wraps.

If some dude in Iran even thinks about buying a piece of aluminum tubing, everyone in the world knows about it. Tina Fey's scar? An unknown...

From the Level10 Buzz Report:

"Tina Fey is searched over a 1200 times a day. What are people most currious about, her scar. Tina Fey scar is searched 99 times a day. What is the scar skinny? Although she won’t discuss it. “It’s a childhood injury that was kind of grim,” she said. “And it kind of bums my parents out for me to talk about it.”"

In a post professing to utilize an analysis of Tina Fey's new show, 30 Rock, as a means of educating us about college football, Bend it Like Bironas offers opinion on the new hit tv show and predictions about U of M's overall performance for the year.

30 Rock is to become something akin to The Single Guy.
Miami will go 6 and 6 and eke out a bowl berth.

I don't know enough about football to assess the quality of his prognostication and I am not sure how 30 Rock really tells us a thing about college pigskin.

I found the post while looking for scar material. Not literally, of course. I was looking for written material about Tina Fey's scar. Since the site used all of the requisite Big 3 keywords (scar, Tina, Fey), I found it.

The observations about the tendency of the program to put Tina in a sexy light are interesting. Excerpt:

"I don't think it's just for comedic effect. It's like Tina's got a complex since she used to be fat and she's got that nasty scar on her face and she probably got made fun of in high school, so now that she's 36 and hotter than all those chicks who were on the cheerleading squad back in Pennsylvania but married a Sig Ep from Penn State and popped out four kids in seven years, she's going to rub it in their faces by feathering her hair and walking slo-mo on TV in a "disco diva" tank top."

I spend so much time tracking down tales of the origin of Tina Fey's scar that I sometimes fall a wee bit behind on housework. That's when I dial up the pros. Yeah, I could stay up late running a vacuum and dusting, but it is so much easier to call upon experienced assistance when the filth starts building. Professional housecleaners make a lot of sense.

Suppose you need House Cleaning in Los Lunas NM. What are you going to do? Find a way to fit it into your busy schedule? Rely on your family members (people messier than you)? Hope that a Good Samaritan takes it upon himself to clean your home? Nah. You are going to call Mini Maid of Albuquerque because they know what they are doing and can get your place spic 'n' span at a reasonable price.

Folks like those at Mini Maid will even give a price quotation if you are worried about cost overruns. They also do gift certificates. Good stuff, indeed.

Keep it clean! By the way, that's a model of some kind of idealized French maid. The folks at Mini Maid and other professional outfits won't dress that skimpily but they will do a much better job of keeping things tidy.

One of the best ways to get an answer is to use Google Answers sometimes. Other times, it falls flat on its face. Sometimes, it falls so flat on its face that it leaves a scar. Like Tina Fey's scar. Which is what happened when some wiesenheimer who wasn't willing to create a blog designed to unravel the mystery of the scar asked GA to find out for him.

The Google Answers folk weren't too helpful. They recited the usual stuff about the scar, which really doesn't answer the question at all.

They mentioned the 324 different Usenet discussions about the scar, which include such gems as "saving lives during the War of 1812." Not helpful.

The only interesting thing was a quoted response to the question that apparently appeared at some point on an SNL site. Ostensibly written by Fey herself, it claimed the scar stemmed from a dog bite.

Of course, if you follow the link you get nothing. And, if you try to Google the post, there is no other trace of it anywhere online. Oh, and there is really no reason to believe it actually came from Tina who, to my knowledge, doesn't spend her valuable time trolling fan MBs and who hasn't revealed a thing in past discussions.

No answers from Google Answers. See for yourself.

Sometimes I check to see who is mentioning the Tina Fey Scar Detective. I am always on the lookout, because I assume someone is going to go nuts on me for spending so much time trying to unravel this particular mystery even though Ms. Fey herself has indicated an unwillingness to provide the details.

You know, I just figure someone is going to stumble across this blog and decide to get all self righteous about her privacy, how weird it is that I have devoted an entire site to Tina Fey's facial scar, etc.

Well, tonight I found someone who mentioned the Scar Detective, but not in a bad way. Cory over at Space Tomatoes mentions that he still gets a fair amount of traffic from one of the entries here that referenced his blog.

The Tina Fey Scar Detective is an integral aspect of traffic flow on the internets, it would seem. Thanks for acknowledging the power of this little blog to send millions upon millions of people to other sites. Okay, maybe it was only two or three. But in any case, The Detective is an integral cog in www machine.

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I was rummaging around the internets and discovered that Bert mentioned The Tina Fey Scar Detective. He even said it was his new favorite site.

That was several months ago, but I only discovered the mention tonight. And it got me to thinking about my endless quest for information regarding the true source of Tina Fey's scar. Honestly, this blog has strayed from its original purpose lately. I tend to write about Tina Fey news citings, blog mentions and general related nonsense. To be really frank, I also spend a disproportionate amount of time posting to "pay the bills" instead of focusing on the scar.

Finding Bert's comment has convinced me to do more work regarding the origins of Tina's scar and the controversy surrounding it. Since this blog started, Fey moved from SNL to start up 30 Rock and her star is rising. Interest in the scar is escalating along with her popularity (even though the morons at Maxim don't feel the love).

So, it's time to get back to roots and to work toward solving the haunting mystery of that scar.

No new theories or information to report. I read some speculation about a car wreck, but there's no visible support for that particular angle. I'll start looking in earnest again soon.

You can still expect some tangential posts and other Tina-riffic stuff, but keep on checking for the hardcore scar information for which you undoubtedly long. The truth is out there. Somewhere. I might as well be the one to find it.

It's really not that hard to find like seven thousand reasons why Maxim is a horrible publication unworthy of the paper upon which it is printed. It's a destructive, shallow, dull piece of junk.

But I can live with that.

What I can't abide by is its hateful commentary on the loveable Ms. Tina Fey.

Apparently, the boys with their backwards baseball caps over at Maxim have a hard time with good looking women who also happen to have a brain in their noggins. No surprise, but annoying nonetheless.

Here is part of what the geniuses over at the laddy mag had to say about Fey after giving her the #3 slot on their list of TV's least attractive women...

"Has anybody ever gotten more mileage out of a dopey pair of glasses, a scar, and tripping over her own tissue-sharp punch lines? If Fey is truly the thinking man’s sex symbol, then we humbly hand over our library cards."

Whatever. Lame. Wrong. Sad. Stupid. Insert your own adjectives.

Oh, and come on... Even if you don't like Tina Fey there is no way you can put here toward the top of the unattractive TV list... Think about that for just a second... What about Candy Crowley on CNN? Bea Arthur on Golden Girls re-runs? Marge Simpson's sisters? Etc., Etc. Etc.

Oh, I found out about this horrible transgression here.

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Tina gets the AV Club treatment, courtesy of the folks at the Onion. It's a nifty interview, focusing primarily upon the new 30 Rock series.

If you wondered how things were between Tina and Rachel Dratch who went from being a planned 30 Rock star to part of the supporting cast, you will want to read the interview for sure.

It's not the usual gloss-over crud you get with most celeb interviews. Really, it isn't. Here's a nifty "for instance":

"AVC: Why haven't there been more glimpses of the show-within-a-show's sketches?

TF: We didn't want to waste the 21 minutes we have showing sketches. We're trying to deal with the characters. And also, there's something inherently reductive to showing the show-within-a-show. It doesn't work for me. Maybe we'll do it if it helps us story-wise. But I don't know."

"Inherently reductive" isn't the kind of thing you hear in most celeb conversations, now is it? Of course not. But Tina Fey ain't your average celebrity, either. Go AV Club and congrats on an interview well-done.

A recent new spotting re: Tina Fey's scar...

A very positive article in Philadelphia Weekly gives a hearty thumbs up to 30 Rock and Tina's work. It also contains a mention of the scar... And claims that a little makeup goes a long way to reducing its visibility.

Excerpt:

"The thick-rimmed glasses that made her so recognizable on Weekend Update are nowhere in sight, and another feature—a thin white scar that runs down her left cheek—is barely visible under her makeup."

Bah. I know it's there. If only I knew why... Hey, all scar stuff aside, the article is worth a read. It has some interesting comments about Tina, the new show, and how it's ratings should stack up in comparison to American Idol. Give it a once-over.

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